Introducing

Doreen DeVine

(Sensitivity alert: Skip the first paragraph if you are sensitive to personal sharing.)

Doreen is a stage character developed by Darren Elliott, coach and therapist.

Doreen’s purpose is multifacited:

1. Spreading messages of acceptance and equality for all.

2. Promoting Mental Health Awareness and Acceptance.

3. Demonstrating Love and Kindness as healthy behaviours for humans, even narcissists.

4. Standing against the narcissitic and polarized concept that others are evil.

5. Sharing Mental Health Tips and Advice for Personal Growth

6. Encouraging Self-Acceptance and Acceptance of Others Difference

7. Education about Narcissism in a non-judgemental way so that humans can reach for the support they need to connect and thrive.

Darren writes:

In my real life I was shamed out of being a performer by my narcissist father who intentionally destroyed my self-esteem so I would follow his direction rather than go my own. He convinced me that I was not good enough, that the positive feedback I received from performing were lies, that people were being kind and not honest, he shamed me after most performances and I believed him until many years later during extensive personal growth from all the therapy that was involved in becoming a therapist. I started singing again after he died and I released some of the shame he put on me. I have been pushing through the shame to perform, fear of showing off and of not being good enough at the same time, my Dad’s crazy programming. “You’re not as good as you think you are,” “They’re just being supportive”, and after a great performance, “No one likes a show off,” rather than validation. He validated in front of others and then invalidated as soon as in private, “I was just being supportive, don’t let it get to your head. I could sing if I had voice lessons, you’re nothing special.” In his mind, perhaps he was pushing me towards engineering by trying to make me hate singing. His refusal to take my own direction in many ways caused me to have an ongoing identity crisis, and his negative efforts worked for more than 25 years, but I never stopped humming. Sadly, I was relieved when my Dad died, although I honoured my siblings by holding their narrative at his funeral and left out my own experiences always, glorifying his big, playful, storytelling personality and his pride in having the loudest laugh at church, where he slept in the back row most Sunday mornings.

I got in touch with my disowned parts, and some of them narcissistic, wanting to share my voice rather than stay small, for example. Narcissism isn’t a bad word, we all need some, it’s on a spectrum. My voice was also physically weakened from a suicide attempt during my teenage years and I stopped performing for nearly thirty years. I am having some physical rehabilitation and finally I am getting my voice back. Dorren is just starting.

Doreen, the singing narcissist, is open and honest about her inner experience as a self-aware narcissist. She enlightens viewers as to what goes on behind the scenes in the mind of someone suffering narcissism. She educates in a compassionate and relatable way so that someone also suffering from narcissism may be able to resonate with her experience, developing new self-compassion and awareness of their own experience.

Doreen portrays the human side of narcissism as a natural human adaptation and to share hope that certain change is possible. We can learn emotional regulation skills through practice, develop an awareness of our triggers that take us to our traumatized energy (where abuse happens), and more. I have worked with diagnosed and self-diagnosed narcissists and in most cases there has been strong links to, often invisible, relational trauma stored in their body that prevented emotional maturity, they are stuck in or get triggered into angry childhood processes unaware. The world revolves them, polarized thinking, lack of constancy enabling abuse (ex. forgot that we love each other when angry), etc.

Whatever you grew up with may feel normal to you, even if it was toxic, and narcissism is often an adaptation to having been completely alone in our inner world, for whatever reason. If you had to be strong alone, you may have developed narcissistic defences that keep others distant without knowing it. In therapy we work on who you are with others, developing compassion first through self-compassion through awareness and trust to make new choices.

Dorren and Darren are recording discussions that will be shared through social media. In the meantime, they are also sharing some duets as Doreen’s character comes to life. You can check out a couple below.